i hate feeling vulnerable like this. i hate feeling fat and squat. and melodramatic and superficial. i hate feeling so fucking fragile. like i could break at any point. and i hate knowing that. i hate that i can't do a goddamn thing about it.
"Sick! Sick! Not so sick as you would like to believe. Never mind...Ill carry my ideas out yet--I will return! I will return!" -conrad
my parents are driving me insane.
maybe... maybe i want something i don't have
i think i'm far to involved in
got this test message on my cell phone today:
i'm in a very gushy place right now. i just wanna tell it like it is. wanna tell people i love em. wanna give hugs, kisses. be kissed. hugged. loved.
i thrive on addictions. addictions to actions. to people. to things. to songs. to words. to thoughts.
i want them to be happy. i want the people i care about so deeply to be happy.
i'm always alone. i never really know why. but it's true.
god. if i want to change, why can't i?
and why aren't my stupid medications working like they're supposed to
i want a fucking miracle cure.
mused colieCat at 10:53 PM
mused colieCat at 10:49 PM
Which member of GC are you most likely to fuck?
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mused colieCat at 6:23 PM
is this my life?
mused colieCat at 12:05 AM
well, no shit sherlock
mused colieCat at 12:05 AM
never mind
mused colieCat at 12:04 AM
i dreamed of you all last night.
from a number i didn't know.
i responded: who are you?
the mystery party replied:
sorry, wrong number.
that's the funniest thing that's happened to me in a very long time
mused colieCat at 9:10 PM
i hate being lonely. hate it with such a vivid passion.
god save the queen....
mused colieCat at 12:11 AM
that's what i thrive on. that's what fuels me.
that's what destroys me.
mused colieCat at 12:26 AM
i want them to have what they want when they want it.
i want them to thrive
mused colieCat at 1:06 AM
i may be in good company for a short while, but for the most part i'm alone. i always end up alone. i'm not exaggerating. in the end i always end up alone.
i don't understand. i honestly don't. i feel like whenever i do something right i'm wrong. and i try to avoid things that are wrong, but apparently those are the things i should be doing.
i want to be true.
mused colieCat at 12:03 AM
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