it's friday night, i'm alone.
computers are decidedly inherently evil.
i feel completely and utterly uneloquent.
mark mcGrath has done something ungodly with his hair.
quote o' the whenever
i feel so insecure these days. i don't know why, but i feel like all the solidity that have been relying on for the past few months is crumbling. i need constant re-assurance. i don't know what's going on. i don't know what i'm feeling. i don't know how to deal with all this. i don't know why this is happening. i'm taking my meds, i'm taking them when i should. i don't know i don't know i don't know.
i feel like i'm going crazy again.
oh.... but apparently they do notice me. when they have to bad mouth other people. specifically... people they're related to.
i just found out my cousin josh got an award for his quality of character. go him.
i feel like being delightfully random, but to do that i suppose i have to be delightful.
bobtheduck82: hey, you just changed hearts
being the crazy spazzzz that i am.... i just IMed Mike.
life is crazy when you graduate high school.
life is DANDY!!!
mused colieCat at 8:58 PM
well... that's not true. my laptop is just a wee bit wicked. it this hunk-a junk that's a pain in my ass
mused colieCat at 1:48 PM
what happened to my writing? it used to happen so easily. i could write what i felt and there was always somethign to feel.
now i just feel like crap.
mused colieCat at 1:55 AM
he was so beautiful
the world shall mourn
mused colieCat at 12:35 AM
Dahl420: you know that god is a wiccan black lesbian right?
LlamasRockMySox: yup
Dahl420: and she is going to have a hell of a lot of fun with all the right wing religious republicans of our generation
mused colieCat at 12:27 AM
why are they failing me? why are they deciding that now is the time to slack off. I hate being this way, i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate not feeling complete. i hate needing other people to make me feel worth while. i hate fishing for the compliments that make me feel like more of a human being. I hate feeling so weak.
i was growing. i was climbing, i was stronger. why is this happening?! everything is good in my life!
i just graduated high school. i'm going to an amazing college that's perfect for me this fall. i'm getting along with my parents. my friends are supportive and i know they care about me as much as i care about them. i'm meeting more cool people. i love my boyfriend, my boyfriend loves me.
why are my emotions so dysfunctional?
mused colieCat at 11:27 PM
maybe i never wasn't.
mused colieCat at 10:51 PM
why do myt aunt and uncle decide to get me in the middle of their damned ill-communication??? my uncle's mad my aunt is sending Josh to Israel. He's entitled to his opinion. He, however, is not entitled to voice that opinion when my aunt calls to tell him that Josh won the damn award. Especially not if he yells and then hangs up on her.
Nor is my aunt entitled to call and proceed to tell me all of this when she finds that my mother is not home.
my family has managed to take the FUN out of dysfunctional
mused colieCat at 8:10 PM
and now i take the opportunity to be self-centered and say: what about me? do i not have a quality character? do i not deserve anything in recognition of how hard i try at things??? don't i? i don't know, it just pisses me off that i get overlooked for so many things. i feel like i'm the one that everybody sees, but nobody notices.
mused colieCat at 8:02 PM
damnation and hellfire annabelle.
mused colieCat at 4:16 PM
i have alot of hearts. i'm blessed.
mused colieCat at 4:15 PM
yup, my ex-boyfriend Mike. why? cuz i wanted to stop being angry at him. and you know what? now i am. crazy of all craziness though, he actually told me not to expect him to break up with his girlfriend, cuz things have changed.
you wish buddy. why the hell would i go back to you? i'm sayin i wanna be friendly with you again, i'm sick of the animosity. i'm saying nothing about wanting to be with you.
oi, and here comes the anger again. oh well, at least it's about something else
mused colieCat at 9:43 PM
it's crazy when you don't know anything else and not-so-suddenly the proverbial rug is yanked out from under you.
it's even crazier when your grad night includes a rock and roll legend playing a private show, wax celebrities, a yacht, and doesn't end until 7:30 in the morning.
I don't even know what i'm talking about at this point. I feel so strange. I'm so thirsty. Life is crazy.
mused colieCat at 12:20 AM
